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A short,unpretentious symphonic poem about sweet and weird dreams

Discussion in 'Critique & Feedback' started by Albert de la Fuente, Jan 20, 2020.

  1. #1 Albert de la Fuente, Jan 20, 2020
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2020
    This started as a little piece intended for a programmable music box I bought from Amazon. The box is completely diatonic and works with manually punched paper rolls. The original piece is kept intact in the initial celesta solo.

    When I realized that making the punched rolls was a ton of work and the playback was extremely unsatisfying, I decided to recycle it into a piano piece. Then I decided to write an "answer" to the little symmetrical lullaby, by adding previously unheard Bb's, and finally the piece kept evolving until it erupted in the first trumpet solo. At this point I decided the piece was orchestral in nature, and that it represented a dream.

    Then I added the central theme first stated in the bass clarinet solo, representing a witches' sabbat. After exploring this new theme, the opening lullaby makes a reapperance in anew key, closing also with another dream-like celesta solo over muted strings.

    Audio:


    Score:
    https://drive.google.com/open?id=1QLUAio4ru-roqrbVoz9vAzuSCmYH83sm
     
    Craig Dukerschein, Niko Tompuri, Alex O'Hagan and 2 others like this.
  2. #2 Paul T McGraw, Jan 20, 2020
    I am completely blown away! Marvelous writing!
    • There is a definite sense of beginning, middle and end.
    • The harmonies are varied and interesting, especially in the middle section.
    • The orchestration is delightful.
    • Love the flute and tuba duet. Fabulous idea!
    I had no idea that you were so talented. This is more than a track, this is a work of art. Congratulations! I have no critique or suggestions regarding your artistic vision or composition itself. I do have a few thoughts on the orchestration.

    Your orchestration reminds me of Ravel. Great ideas, thinking outside the box, and very colorful. My critique would be that you go a bit overboard with string divisi. I played cello in college orchestra and lots of divisi really increases the odds of some sort of problem (intonation, wrong notes, balance) with anything less than a pro orchestra. Also, the string divisi texture can be overused just as any other texture. Anyway, I would try to only use divisi when meaningful. Filling out every note of harmony is not always necessary. My only other thought is that I would not trust violas to carry the main idea, even when doubled with bassoon. Violas blend really, really well. But that quality makes it hard for them to cut through. Double the violas with cellos and the line will be more effective, in my opinion. Neither of these points are deal-breakers. Just a couple of things to think about. The piece is great, and the orchestration is wonderful. Please write more soon!
     
    Albert de la Fuente likes this.
  3. #3 Albert de la Fuente, Jan 20, 2020
    Thank you very mmuch @Paul T McGraw for your kind words, I feel flattered! It's funny that you mention Ravel, because I took the propensity towards divisi from him, but you're right, in a few spots it's not necessary. Also it's interesting that you mention the viola melody because I felt it didn't sound perfectly right, but I thought it was because Noteperformer's fault. I might have done better giving it to the cellos.
     
  4. #4 Alex O'Hagan, Jan 24, 2020
    great job man! your writing seems to really tell a story. its funny that you mentioned that the piece "evolved" while you were writing it, that reminded me of how authors sometimes don't know how their novel will end until they discover it along the way. like just being along for the journey and letting it unfold. it seems like some of the coolest stuff happens that way.
     
    Albert de la Fuente likes this.
  5. #5 Niko Tompuri, Jan 25, 2020
    Hey man,

    Wonderful piece! ...and what a great symphonic talent you have there. Noteperformer does a good job too.

    -Niko
     
    Albert de la Fuente likes this.
  6. #6 Albert de la Fuente, Jan 26, 2020
    @Alex O'Hagan thank you. Yeah, I've lesrned that forcing a piece to be something it isn't is fruitless, at least for my creative process. The downside is that if I ever have to work on comission, I may very well be unable to compose what I'm asked for.

    @Niko Tompuri glad you like it! Indeed, Noteperformer's been my best buy of the last 3-4 years!
     
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